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Thursday, September 24, 2009

They will always be the world's favourite to me

Twice in the last couple of weeks I've forgotten my iPhone at airport security and twice the fine people from BA have got it back for me. The first time was at Heathrow. I wandered into the lounge, got a paper and a coffee and sat down. As I did so, I realised that the comforting bulge of my iPhone was missing from my pocket. I searched my person in panic, and then realised that the last time I could remember having the phone was before security. I explained my predicament to the BA lady at the desk and one of her colleagues went back through the Concorde lounge short cut to T5 security, got the iPhone for me and brought it back. Phew. The second time was at Charles de Gaulle. I bumped into a friend as I entered the lounge and we were chatting all the way down the stairs and on to the bus, across the tarmac and into the plane. As I sat down, I realised I didn't have my phone. I got my bag down to search it, but no luck. The stewardess asked me if I'd lost something so I explained the problem to her. We were still on the ground waiting for the last few passengers. The captain radioed back to the gate and a gate person went to security. Sure enough, my iPhone was there. The stewardess ushered me down the steps and into an airport car which whizzed me back to gate. I ran (seriously) up the stairs and back to security to retrieve the iPhone. Hurrah. Then back out the gate, and back into the car which whizzed me back across the airport and to the plane again. The last couple of passengers were climbing the steps so I followed them in and sat down. Phew.

Excellent service, thanks chaps.

In the future, everyone will be famous to fifteen people.
[posted with ecto]

Friday, September 11, 2009

The exams get easier, but are they learning any more?

Our criminals are pretty rubbish, which is why the jails are stuffed full. The ones who are any good go and work for banks, whereas the ones who are hopeless are left to terrorise the citizenry with little reward. I notice that Japan, always a go-ahead sort of place, has introduced a sort of 11-plus for criminals. This makes obvious sense: the ones who pass can be sent on the fast track to business school or to some politician's office, whereas the ones who fail can be schooled in practical, day-to-day thuggery.

Japan's largest and most notorious organized crime group, the Yamaguchi-gumi, is forcing members to take a "gangster exam" in order to reduce costly damages suits, police have discovered.

[From Yakuza group forcing members to take 'gangster exam' - The Mainichi Daily News]

I'm sure that their mechanism for avoiding grade inflation might be seen as a little harsh, but I bet they'll work to keep the standards up.

In the future, everyone will be famous to fifteen people.
[posted with ecto]

Monday, September 07, 2009

Madame Mental

Fantastic news from the Land of the Rising Fun. It turns out that new Japanese Prime Minister's wife is a mentalist, and not in the dreary Cherie Blair bonkers crystal healing kind of way, but in the full on "I was taken to Venus by aliens" kind of way.

Miyuki, 66, described the extraterrestrial experience, which she said took place some 20 years ago, in a book entitled "Very Strange Things I've Encountered."

[From Japan's new first lady says rode UFO to Venus | U.S. | Reuters]

The adds greatly to the gaiety of nations. This is why I feel quite strongly that the Conservatives should consider inviting former BBC man David Icke to be the new head of the Beeb following the next election. Sanity does not seem to be winning strategy any more, so encouraging the population to take refuge in madness could be a better alternative.

In the future, everyone will be famous to fifteen people.
[posted with ecto]